When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

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My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

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Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

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I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

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I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

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In banana years, I am bread.

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I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

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If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

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I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

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Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.