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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2077 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,239

Funny Quotes Topics

14,982

Funny Quotes Images

12,239

2 minutes ago

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Trending via Snapchat:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

Making waves on WeChat:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Broadcasted on Slack:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Seen just now on Discord:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Broadcasted on Threads:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Freshly posted on X:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Spotted on X:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

6 months ago

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

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Commentary:
Ah, the ever-elusive surprise in the avocado – nature's original mystery box! 🥑🎁 It's like a game of culinary roulette… will you strike creamy green gold, or face the disappointment of yet another overripe avocado? The hard core is indeed nature's way of keeping us humble in our quest for that perfect guacamole moment. Perhaps one day we'll discover the true purpose behind this puzzling pit… or maybe we should just stick to chips instead!

avocado, change, core, going, hard, hard core, humor, someone, stupid, surprise, toy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2077 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,239

Funny Quotes Topics

14,982

Funny Quotes Images

12,239

2 minutes ago

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Flying bugs can basically go anywhere they want, but still choose to fly right into your face.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Life can be so beautiful, you just can’t get sober.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Going viral on Threads:

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

Breaking via Twitch:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Making waves on Telegram:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

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