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Commentary:
"Who needs a dominatrix when you have a sassy vacuum cleaner cable giving you a run for your money? It's all fun and games until the power switch becomes the ultimate safe word. 🌀💥😂 #CleaningUpLiterally"

cable, chores, cleaner, dominator, household, household chores, humor, needs, sarcasm, technology, vacuum, vacuum cleaner

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

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2 months ago

break, break up, breaking, comparison, divorce, easier, hair, hair stylist, humor, process, relationship, stylist
But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

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2 months ago

body, body image, fitness, flat, humor, image, meant, self-acceptance, stomach, sure
I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

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2 months ago

came, communication, humor, i, relationship, sigh, subtitles, wife, wish
I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

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2 months ago

came, disappointed, disappointment, expectation, humor, i, leaving, left, observation, reaction, saw, visit
Starting a new life today, bye.

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5 months ago

fresh, fresh start, goodbye, humor, life, new, new life, short, short quote, start, starting, today
I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

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2 months ago

deer, drinking, funny incident, humor, i, incident, nose, officer, red, shiny, shiny nose, situation, unexpected, unexpected situation, wildlife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

64 shares on Discord this month:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

20 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Just landed via YouTube:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

Trending via Messenger:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

Just landed via Threads:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Trending via Snapchat:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Just landed via Twitch:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Going viral on WeChat:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

Just shared via Reddit:

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

Just landed via Snapchat:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

Starting a new life today, bye.

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨