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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,285

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Live now on Slack:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Just shared via Messenger:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Shared recently on Reddit:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Shared recently on Twitch:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Spotted on Twitch:

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

Just shared via Threads:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Maybe the Formula 1 cars are just water-soluble and they don't want to melt ☔️😆 Or perhaps they're secretly looking for an excuse to showcase their synchronized swimming skills 🏎️💦 Just imagine a pitstop turning into a pool party – now that's entertainment! 🎉💧"

1, advice, afraid, always, caution, drive, driving, formula, Formula 1, humor, i, just, racing, rain

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

81 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship status: he escaped.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,419

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Live now on Telegram:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Trending via Snapchat:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Live now on X:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Trending via WeChat:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

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