Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.