Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

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Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

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“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

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I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

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Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

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I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

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I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

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How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

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Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

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Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

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Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!