Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let's be positive here.

Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.
  • It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.
  • Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.
  • Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.
  • Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.
  • No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.