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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,746

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Going viral on Discord:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

Just landed via Pinterest:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Going viral on Discord:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"Who knew a massage could turn into a Swedish food fest? 🇸🇪🍝 Next time, specify 'hands only' for your own sake! 😉"

ask, back, expectation, funny situation, humor, i, joke, mad, massage, meatball, roll, situation, surprise, Swedish, Swedish massage

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76 shares on Pinterest this month:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

80 shares on Slack this month:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

48 shares on X this month:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

51 shares on Threads this month:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

55 shares on X this month:

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Seen just now on Threads:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Seen just now on Threads:

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

Live now on Twitch:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Live now on TikTok:

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

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Activity Log ✨

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨