Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Trying to stealthily release a morning toot in the toilet is like pulling off a secret mission 🕵️‍♂️, only to have the toilet amplify your efforts into a grand symphony fit for Middle-earth 🎺🚽 #HornOfGondor"

acoustics, bowl, fart, Gondor, horn, house, humor, morning, noise, struggle, thanks, toilet, try, waking, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

0

2 months ago

commission, deadline, done, humor, i, kiss, lips, need, romantic, tonight
Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, call, conversation, etiquette, illegal, phone, public, should, speaker, speaker phone
I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, communication, dating, flirt, hope, humor, i, just, romance, say, thing, things, weird, weird thing
I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

0

2 months ago

head, humor, i, music, people, recommend, songs, stuck
When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

0

2 months ago

assumption, going, hate, humor, i, making, me, relationship, say
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

0

2 months ago

attitude, humor, i, lazy, motivation, participation, procrastination, selective, selective participation, term, ugly, ugly word, word

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Slack this month:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

92 shares on X this month:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

81 shares on Threads this month:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

43 shares on Slack this month:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Live now on WhatsApp:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Breaking via Discord:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Going viral on Twitch:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

Trending via Discord:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨