Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”
  • I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.
  • Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.
  • I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.
  • The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
  • Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.