Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

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I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

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Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

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If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

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Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

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If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

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Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

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“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

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Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

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Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

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Getting older is sexy. You moan more.