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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,352

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Freshly posted on X:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Spotted on Slack:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m so single right now that I stood on a cliff and shouted, “I love you,” and my echo replied, “I just wanna be friends.”

Seen just now on Facebook:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

4 weeks ago

Witty quote about embracing your 40s and Saturday nights with humor and relaxation.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the glamorous world of your 40s where wild Saturday nights have been replaced by cozy bedtimes at a reasonable hour. 🌙 Embrace the beauty of uninterrupted sleep and dream about all the parties you once attended…or not, who has the energy for that anyway? 😄 #PartyAnimalTurnedSleepingBeauty"

40s, age, bed, humor, know, life, means, night, nothing, reality, Saturday, weekend, welcome

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

75 shares on X this month:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

87 shares on Slack this month:

The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.

82 shares on Threads this month:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

5 folks are currently checking 👀

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,673

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Netflix & by yourself.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Broadcasted on Discord:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Going viral on Slack:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Just shared via Instagram:

It’s so unrealistic for me to delete WhatsApp, but man, I’d love to do it.

Just shared via Facebook:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Live now on Reddit:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Trending via Slack:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Spotted on X:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

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