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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2331 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,493

Funny Quotes Topics

15,196

Funny Quotes Images

12,493

Updated

46 minutes ago

Users Online

3,457

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Making waves on Twitch:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Breaking via TikTok:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Just shared via Threads:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Live now on Messenger:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Seen just now on TikTok:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Trending via YouTube:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Be cautious! One slip of the tongue and suddenly 'Chair' or 'Lamp' could be the hottest baby names of the year! 👶🪑💡"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2331 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,493

Funny Quotes Topics

15,196

Funny Quotes Images

12,493

Updated

46 minutes ago

Users Online

3,447

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you’re full of energy and you can’t wait to get to work? Me neither!

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Just landed via Facebook:

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Spotted on Facebook:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Live now on Threads:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Spotted on Threads:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Spotted on Threads:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Reported on Telegram:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

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