I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

I'm not fat. I just eat in advance.

Commentary:
“Who needs a watch when you can tell time by your stomach growling? 🍔⏰ #FoodieLife #HungryAlways”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

    Commentary:
    “Living that ‘private person by day, public oversharing by night’ lifestyle 🤫💻 Embracing the art of social media therapy like a pro! 💁‍♂️💬 #KeepingItReal”

  • I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

    Commentary:
    “Flirting level: Expert in awkwardness 🤪 Who needs pickup lines when you’ve got a collection of bizarre statements? Just throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks! 🍝😅 #AwkwardlyCharming”

  • Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the magical duality of human culture – where lips meet in tender kisses one moment 💋 and recoil at the pungent embrace of onion soup the next 🧅! Who knew such paradoxical delights could coexist? 🤔 One thing’s for sure: love may be blind, but taste buds never forget! 😂”

  • When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like your wife takes ‘packing light’ to a whole new level! 🧳🏠 When she says ‘going on a trip’, she means business! 😅 #WifeGoals”

  • I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

    Commentary:
    “Looks like God got tired of multitasking and thought, why not test two birds with one stone? 🕊️🪶 Bet He didn’t expect us to team up and make a party out of it! 🎉 Let’s show Him what teamwork really looks like! 💪😄”

  • Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

    Commentary:
    “👶✈️ Buckle up, little ones! 🍼✨ Looks like those twin babies are ready for takeoff with your gourmet airplane meals! 😂✈️ Just make sure they don’t request a snack trolley next. 🛒🍭 #FuturePilots #MileHighSnackClub”