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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,558

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Live now on Slack:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Live now on WeChat:

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Trending via Reddit:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

Going viral on Reddit:

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Making waves on Threads:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Making waves on X:

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

2 weeks ago

Humorous quote about coffee addiction with a playful, witty vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
☕ "I don't mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but I've become an honorary member of the Colombian farmers association! 🤣 They even have a 'caffeine enthusiast' section in their wallets dedicated to me! 💼☕ #CoffeeLover"

addiction, beverage, coffee, Colombia, drink, farmer, humor, i, joke, lot, me, mean, photo, say, wallet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Slack this month:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

14 shares on Discord this month:

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

52 shares on Slack this month:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,586

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Long story short, I survived.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Making waves on Twitch:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

Just shared via Telegram:

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

Going viral on Reddit:

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Going viral on Instagram:

Taking Adderall to use the calculator app.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Live now on TikTok:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Going bananas on Messenger:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Breaking via YouTube:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Just landed via Threads:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

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