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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2052 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,214

Funny Quotes Topics

14,963

Funny Quotes Images

12,214

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,455

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Shared recently on Reddit:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Shared recently on WeChat:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Live now on Messenger:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Going viral on Threads:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Just shared via Telegram:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

6 months ago

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Commentary:
"Them: 'Ugh, could you be more annoying?' Me: 'Oh God, yes!' 🙄😝 Who knew annoying could be so achievable, right?"

annoying, conversation, God, humor, interaction, me, oh, response, sarcasm, ugh, wit, yes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Making waves on YouTube:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Just landed via Threads:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Shared recently on Slack:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

Just landed via Instagram:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Making waves on Threads:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Going viral on Instagram:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

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Activity Log ✨

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

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Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

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