Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?
  • I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.
  • No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.
  • Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.
  • My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.
  • Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”