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Home Funny Quotes To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

New funny quotes ✨

"Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?" Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I'm so brave.

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
Imagine hating me and I'm just over here trying to remember how to spell "definitely".

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025