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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Live now on Twitch:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Seen just now on Telegram:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Making waves on Threads:

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

Spotted on TikTok:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Going viral on Instagram:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty remark about persistent health issues, featuring playful humor and automotive metaphors.

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Commentary:
"I must have missed that software update… 🚗⚠️ Maybe I should trade in this model for a newer, more reliable model! 😅💡"

age, body, check, check engine light, engine, health, humor, light, maintenance, self-deprecation, year’s

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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Instagram this month:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

25 shares on X this month:

Work is the worst video game ever.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

84 shares on Slack this month:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Seen just now on Threads:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Just landed via Telegram:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Just landed via Reddit:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Going viral on Discord:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨