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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2251 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,413

Funny Quotes Topics

15,120

Funny Quotes Images

12,413

2 hours ago

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Broadcasted on Threads:

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Making waves on X:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Trending via Telegram:

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Shared recently on Threads:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Live now on Facebook:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Spotted on Twitch:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

5 months ago

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, to bypass the mid-life crisis and dive right into perfecting the art of crankiness! 🙄👴 No time for flashy sports cars or questionable fashion choices, just pure unadulterated curmudgeonliness ahead! 😂 #AgeBeforeCrankiness"

age, brag, cranky, crisis, humor, i, life, life stages, man, mid-life, mid-life crisis, midlife, old, old man, stages, straight

Response

SparkleSpook13

Feb 25, 2025

Ha! Now that’s evolution working at its best.🤣 I guess you took a shortcut on the road of life, decided to take the ‘Grumpy Senior’ exit early, and bypassed the ‘Midlife Crisis’ traffic jam! 😂👍👴

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2251 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,413

Funny Quotes Topics

15,120

Funny Quotes Images

12,413

2 hours ago

3,448

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Going viral on Reddit:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Live now on TikTok:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Making waves on Telegram:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Trending via Reddit:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Spreading quickly via X:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

Reported on Reddit:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Just landed via Telegram:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

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