Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.
  • Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.
  • The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.
  • On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?
  • Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.
  • Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.