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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.
  • The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.
  • My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.
  • Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.
  • You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.
  • I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.