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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

8 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Making waves on YouTube:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Just landed via Reddit:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Seen just now on Discord:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Going viral on TikTok:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Freshly posted on Threads:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Reported on Telegram:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.
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Commentary:
"Coming soon: 'Survivor: Corporate Jungle' 🍿💸 Let's see how they handle gourmet ramen noodles! 😄🍜"

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

8 minutes ago

Users Online

3,421

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Shared recently on Slack:

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

Making waves on Reddit:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

Shared recently on Slack:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Spotted on Pinterest:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

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