You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

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I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

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When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

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Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

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The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

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The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

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“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

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What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

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The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

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My chakra went out for cigarettes.

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Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.