That awkward moment between birth and death.

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If Monday were available for purchase at IKEA, it would be called “Fekking Hell”.

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Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

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Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

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89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

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Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

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Girls are perverts when they like you.

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I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

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It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

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I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

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Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.