Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.
  • “Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.
  • This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.
  • I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.
  • I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.
  • You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.