Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.