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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2332 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,494

Funny Quotes Topics

15,196

Funny Quotes Images

12,494

13 minutes ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

Making waves on TikTok:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Spotted on Reddit:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Making waves on Slack:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Just landed via Messenger:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Live now on Pinterest:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Just landed via Slack:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Jan 21, 2025

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic shoe print on the ceiling dilemma, a rite of passage for all fathers of teen boys! 👟🚀 It's the ultimate test of parental composure – when you see a shoe print soaring above you and simply think, "Ah, just another day in the life of raising teens." 😂🕺 #TeenBoyLife #GravityDefyingFootwear

boys, ceiling, chaos, family, family life, father, humor, know, life, parenting, print, shoe, shoe print, teen

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2332 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,494

Funny Quotes Topics

15,196

Funny Quotes Images

12,494

13 minutes ago

3,452

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I only drink when I people.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

Reported on Reddit:

Everyone’s an empath until I need to borrow some cash.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

Just landed via Snapchat:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Just shared via Instagram:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Spotted on X:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Reported on Telegram:

Do you guys remember when we had to share one desktop computer wіth the whole famіly?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

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