14 funny father quotes - Wordgag

Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

May 29, 2026

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

May 29, 2026

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

May 28, 2026

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

May 28, 2026

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

May 27, 2026

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

May 27, 2026

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

May 27, 2026

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

May 24, 2026

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

May 24, 2026

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

May 22, 2026

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

May 21, 2026

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

May 21, 2026

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

May 20, 2026

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

May 20, 2026