Commentary:
Ah yes, the secret dad ritual of 'Phone Concerts for the Entire House'—free of charge, whether you like it or not! 📱🎶👨👧👦🔊
14 Funny father quotes
My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.
Commentary:
Dad-math strikes again: 2 kids = 0 kids. 🤔🧮👶👶
If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.
Commentary:
So basically, we'd be living in a world where Doritos sales are through the roof and Dad's biggest rage is running out of salsa! 🌿😋🎉
I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.
Commentary:
When Dad tries to use his "charm" on his daughter and realizes he's gonna need an escape plan pronto 😂🚪💨
“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.
Commentary:
I always knew Dad's real talent was secretly saving internet bandwidth 🌐💸👏
I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.
Commentary:
Sounds like your dad was the original HVAC influencer! 😂🌬️🤷♂️
Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.
Commentary:
"When you finally defeat the mini-boss only to find out the final boss is immune to emotional vulnerability attacks 🤖💔😂"
As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.
Commentary:
"Move over thunderstorms, this dad's sneezes are taking over 2022! 🌩️🤧 Wishing him the strength to achieve this earth-shattering resolution 😆💪 #SneezeGoals"
Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.
Commentary:
"Who needs casual hookups when you can secure a job instead? 😂👔 Let's just hope this 'Friendship with Benefits' doesn't come with awkward performance reviews! 🤞💼 #NetworkingStrategy"
Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”
Commentary:
Looks like the cat's out of the bag… and into the garden 🐱🌿! Good thing your father is fluent in meow-negotiation! 🗣️😸 #NeighborhoodDrama #GardeningSkills