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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now!

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Jan 5, 2026

3,387

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Just shared via X:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Shared recently on YouTube:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Shared recently on X:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Breaking via X:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Trending via Pinterest:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Shared recently on YouTube:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

2 months ago

0

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive Print-on-Demand House Service! The printer whisperer in action – providing on-demand printing magic for that ONE crucial piece of paper. 🖨️💫 Just don't forget to give the printer a farewell pat for a job well done until next year! 🤣 #Printaholic"

again, bring, convenience, frustration, house, humor, i, leave, need, next, print, printer, service, tech, thing, where, working, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

0

2 months ago

Adderall, awareness, doing, help, i, just, productivity, should, things
Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

0

1 month ago

acting, babe, communication, delusion, humor, misunderstanding, partner, relationship, right
Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

0

4 months ago

acceptable, casual, casual wear, coffee, coffee cup, comfort, cup, daily, daily routine, day, holding, humor, norm, pajama, pajamas, relaxation, routine, social, social norm, socially, wear
Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

0

4 months ago

appear, chore, cleaning, creature, dish, dishes, doing, fighting, frustration, household, humor, hydra, mythological, mythological creature, wash, washing
It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

0

2 months ago

fast, fear, humor, machine, scary, spin, washing, washing machine
I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

0

2 months ago

goals, house, humor, i, kill, life, life goals, luxury, rich, spider, want, wealth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Facebook this month:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

22 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

81 shares on Slack this month:

You’re so productive for your wage.

59 shares on Threads this month:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

34 shares on Discord this month:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

67 shares on Discord this month:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Tattoos: because being an adult is hard, and I deserve to have stickers.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Making waves on Reddit:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

Live now on Pinterest:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Just shared via Instagram:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Live now on Slack:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Breaking via Instagram:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

Making waves on Slack:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Shared recently on TikTok:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

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