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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Making waves on Threads:

We’ve historically done extremely well with regime change, so this should be a piece of cake.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

Making waves on Instagram:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Spotted on Telegram:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Just shared via Instagram:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Absurdity is the spice of life.

3 weeks ago

Humorous text highlighting life's quirks with a witty take on absurdity as spice.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just when you thought your life was bland, a heaping spoonful of absurdity turns it into a comedy casserole! 🍜😂

absurdity, fun, humor, irony, life, quirkiness, spice

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Shared recently on Discord:

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Just landed via Facebook:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Shared recently on Threads:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Absurdity is the spice of life.

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story.

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Absurdity is the spice of life.

Keep the laugh going 😂

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story.

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨