As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

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My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

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I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

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Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

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Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

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My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

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Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

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I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

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Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

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I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

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If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.