Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

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Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

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I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

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I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

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I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

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Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

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There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

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Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

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Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

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My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

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What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?