Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.
Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

Commentary:
โ€œBefore kids: Saturdays were made for sleeping in and brunch ๐Ÿ›Œ๐Ÿฅž After kids: Saturdays now start promptly at 7am, whether you like it or not โฐ๐Ÿ˜… #ParentingLifeโ€

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

  • My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

    Commentary:
    โ€œLooks like the presentation itself was the real joke! ๐Ÿ’ธ๐Ÿ˜… Hope the punchline was worth it, or at least enough to cover the disappointment. #CorporateHumorโ€

  • Please donโ€™t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

    Commentary:
    โ€œAh, the struggle of the pre-power windows era โ€“ a common battle cry of โ€˜back in my dayโ€™ warriors. But hey, at least it built some serious forearm strength while giving the fingertips a workout! Donโ€™t ya just feel the nostalgia creeping in?โ€

  • During winter, itโ€™s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

    Commentary:
    โ€œWinter: the season of extremes! Itโ€™s a delicate dance between wearing stretchy pants for a cozy night in or attempting the โ€˜eight thousand calorie challengeโ€™ in one sitting ๐Ÿ”โ„๏ธ Who needs balance when you have comfort food, am I right? ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ•โ€

  • And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

    Commentary:
    โ€œLooks like Jesus is not RSVP-ing to this event! He must be too busy turning water into wine or parting the seas ๐Ÿท๐ŸŒŠ Letโ€™s keep the thank-yous Earth-bound for now ๐Ÿ˜‰๐ŸŒโ€

  • With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.
  • Iโ€™m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

    Commentary:
    โ€œGrowing older may have its drawbacks but at least youโ€™ve paid your dues and earned the ultimate reward โ€“ exemption from the dreaded moving day requests! ๐Ÿšš๐Ÿ’ช #AgingGracefullyโ€