Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

51 shares on Discord this month:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

Every time I turn around, it’s Monday.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.