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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,342

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Breaking via Threads:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

Making waves on Telegram:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

Live now on Twitch:

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

1 week ago

Witty quote about feeling more exposed with shoes on than being fully naked.

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Commentary:
Walking around like it's Casual Footwear Friday 👟🩳😅

being, clothing, comfort, feels, humor, irony, naked, nakedness, sh

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Telegram this month:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

82 shares on X this month:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

11 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

70 shares on Threads this month:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the reason someone burns sage.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Is this art or trash?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,466

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Breakfast in bed: cute in theory, gross in practice.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Spotted on Twitch:

Oh good. Another day.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

Just landed via Discord:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Just landed via Discord:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Breaking via X:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Freshly posted on X:

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

Seen just now on WeChat:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Freshly posted on Slack:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

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