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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Just landed via Discord:

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

Spotted on Slack:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

Trending via WeChat:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

Breaking via TikTok:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

Spotted on WeChat:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Just shared via Reddit:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Making waves on Telegram:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

7 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about mistakenly buying coconut shampoo without coconuts, playful and amusing.

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Commentary:
Guess I'll just stick to washing my coconuts in the shower 🚿🥥😂

care, coconut, got, hair, hair care, home, humor, i, mistake, misunderstanding, shampoo, shopping

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38 shares on X this month:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?

81 shares on YouTube this month:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

22 shares on Threads this month:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

82 shares on Reddit this month:

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Life sucks a lot less when your feet are in a creek, and you forgot your phone in the truck.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Live now on X:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Spotted on Twitch:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Trending via Telegram:

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Trending via Telegram:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Spotted on Telegram:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

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Activity Log ✨

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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