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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,620

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Seen just now on X:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Live now on Telegram:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Spotted on Pinterest:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Going viral on Telegram:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Going viral on Facebook:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

2 months ago

0

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the clever marketing tactics of the cabbage conglomerate! 🥬🤣 Who knew Brussels sprouts were just little cabbages in disguise, trying to make a name for themselves in the vegetable world? Watch out for those sneaky marketing schemes next time you're strolling through the produce aisle! 😉🌱

big, brussels, Brussels sprout, cabbage, comedy, food, humor, invention, joke, little, satire, sell, sprout, vegetable

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

0

2 months ago

admit, appearance, attraction, dating, dress, dude, fashion, fine, Funny, girl, girls, humor, medium, nice, style, super, ugly
Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

0

2 months ago

explain, explanation, good, grow, growth, hair, humor, never, overnight, quarter, science, spot
Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

0

2 months ago

conversation, darkness, evening, friend, hello, here, humor, irony, mood, old, time
I embarrass myself in front of myself.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, embarrassment, funny moment, humor, i, joke, moment, personal, self, self-deprecation
Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

0

2 months ago

back, crisis, existential, existential crisis, factory, factory settings, humor, late, life, reset, settings
If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

0

2 months ago

comedy, exaggeration, humor, humor style, humorous, humorous observation, irony, observation, sarcasm, satire, say, smoke, smoking, something, style, times, while, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Slack this month:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

50 shades of single.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Gordon Ramsay is making us dinner. It’s a four curse meal.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Going viral on Telegram:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Broadcasted on X:

Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.

Spotted on Messenger:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Just shared via Twitch:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Live now on WhatsApp:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

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