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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Going bananas on Threads:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Trending via Telegram:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Just shared via YouTube:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

4 days ago

Witty quote about carrots and hunger, playful and humorous text.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the humble carrot – nature's way of saying 'Enjoy this healthy snack… and be prepared to raid the fridge later!' It's the ultimate tease for your taste buds, keeping hunger at bay while sneakily plotting its revenge. Clever little veggie, isn't it?"

carrot, diet, eat, food, humor, hungry, nutrition, stay, thing, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Despite popular opinion, dating apps are NOT for dating. They are for finding people to watch your Instagram story for years and years.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,679

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

As someone who lives on earth, rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid, I’m intrigued.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

Going viral on YouTube:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Just shared via Telegram:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Going viral on Twitch:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Just shared via Threads:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Going viral on Messenger:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

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