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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from has downloaded:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Someone from has downloaded:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Someone from has copied:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

Someone from has viewed:

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

Someone from has viewed:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Someone from has viewed:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Someone from has copied:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Someone from has viewed:

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Someone from has bookmarked:

“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”

Someone from has downloaded:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2302 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,464

Funny Quotes Topics

15,178

Funny Quotes Images

12,464

Updated

36 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Trending via YouTube:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Reported on Slack:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Going viral on Threads:

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

Just shared via Instagram:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Reported on Slack:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Seen just now on Messenger:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

6 months ago

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Commentary:
Looks like Santa might need to make a detour to deliver a sense of humor this year! 🎅🏼🙊 But hey, who needs Christmas when you've got puns like this all year round, am I right? 🎄😂

absence, anticipation, Christmas, coming, holiday, humor

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from has bookmarked:

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

Someone from has downloaded:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Someone from has downloaded:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Someone from has bookmarked:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Someone from has shared:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Someone from has copied:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Someone from has viewed:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Someone from has bookmarked:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Someone from has copied:

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Reported on Pinterest:

Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Just landed via Discord:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Breaking via Messenger:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Seen just now on Messenger:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Work for a living? In this economy?

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

The neighbor sneezes loudly from the balcony. And because I’m a polite person, I shout loudly: Disgusting!

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Activity Log ✨

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

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