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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,304

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Going viral on Reddit:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Going viral on YouTube:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Just shared via X:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Making waves on Snapchat:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Live now on Reddit:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Trending via YouTube:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

Making waves on Messenger:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Someone's personality just stole the spotlight from the Christmas lights 🌟🎄😄

around, bright, brightness, Christmas, Christmas light, here, holiday, humor, light, lights, only, personality, sarcasm, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

0

2 months ago

everyone, everything, expectations, favorite, heart, humor, intentions, kindness, media, nice, purity, read, sarcasm, social, social media, things, true, truth, Twitter
I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

0

2 months ago

activity, ball, dog, extravagant, fun, fun activity, great, humor, i, little, looks, pet, tux
Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

0

2 months ago

dating, downward, downward spiral, expectations, guy, guys, humor, i, know, relationship, say, spiral, spot, take, trust
If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

0

5 months ago

forehead, humor, i, joke, kiss, mirror, name, playful, say, show, superstition, three, times
Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

0

2 months ago

Antarctica, ants, continent, every, except, found, humor, name, nature, observation, weird
New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

0

2 months ago

am, bother, bothering, communication, dropped, email, humor, i, interest, just, new, opener

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

82 shares on Discord this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

47 shares on Slack this month:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

66 shares on X this month:

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

That looks like a problem for someone else.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Just shared via Instagram:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

Going viral on Reddit:

Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Spotted on TikTok:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Seen just now on Slack:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨