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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m so unpopular at school they call me “Batteries”. I’m never included in anything.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,545

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Trending via YouTube:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Going viral on Slack:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Just shared via TikTok:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Live now on Pinterest:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

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Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.
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Commentary:
Wow, talk about getting in a full workout during a good cry session! 💪😭 Looks like we've found a new form of exercise – emotional fitness! Who needs a gym when you've got a good tearjerker movie? 🎥💦 #FitnessGoals #WorkoutInTears

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

41 shares on X this month:

Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.

65 shares on Slack this month:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,529

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Websites need to realize that no one ever, ever wants the site to be able to send them notifications.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Spotted on Instagram:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Just landed via Slack:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Making waves on Twitch:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Making waves on Facebook:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Going viral on Messenger:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Going viral on Messenger:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

Live now on WeChat:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

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