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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

When I said there’s no such thing as a dumb question, I didn’t expect them to take it as a personal challenge.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,636

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?

Making waves on Twitch:

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

Making waves on Snapchat:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Making waves on Telegram:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Just landed via WeChat:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Trending via Twitch:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Going bananas on Messenger:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

21 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When Yoda plays tennis, I bet he serves up some serious "force" aces! 🎾🥋

humor, joke, number, star, Star Wars, think, wars, wordplay, Yoda

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

0

2 months ago

humor, i, me, million, response, ridiculous, saved, saving, say, someone, something, standing, want, wheelchair
I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

0

3 months ago

alternate, alternate reality, better, comparison, dimension, funny remark, humor, i, liked, personality, reality, remark, version
Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

0

2 months ago

age, always, bit, growth, humor, individuality, me, older, people, personality, self-awareness, strange
An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

0

2 months ago

accomplish, activity, agenda, everyone, fun, fun activity, hope, i, party, reveal, surprise, things, weekend
Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

0

2 months ago

eating, flirt, house, humor, me, relationship, show, snacks, start, unexpected, unexpected visit, visit
When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

0

2 months ago

booger, bored, boredom, cursor, distraction, humor, i, joke, meeting, nose, office, office joke, playful, prank, put, speaker, tech, tech humor, under, virtual, virtual humor, Zoom, Zoom meeting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on YouTube this month:

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

77 shares on X this month:

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

18 shares on Discord this month:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Donnie Darko was also ahead of its time because the guy’s haunted by a giant Labubu.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Going bananas on Facebook:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Going bananas on Discord:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Trending via Slack:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Spotted on Twitch:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Trending via Reddit:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Netflix & by yourself.

Broadcasted on Threads:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

Trending via Threads:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨