Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.
  • I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.
  • Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.
  • Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.
  • Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.
  • Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.