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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

You wish you had this many chins.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,556

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Trending via Instagram:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

Making waves on Messenger:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Spotted on YouTube:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Shared recently on Slack:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

3 weeks ago

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When your sixth sense is more like a sixth sense of humor 😂🔮 #EmpathLife

around, emotion, empath, feelings, horny, humor, me

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13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

67 shares on Facebook this month:

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

89 shares on WeChat this month:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

15 shares on Discord this month:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I love my bed so much, what a place.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

Breaking via Twitch:

The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Spotted on Facebook:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Shared recently on Discord:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Just landed via YouTube:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Spotted on TikTok:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

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Activity Log ✨

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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