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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,724

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

Going viral on YouTube:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

Trending via Reddit:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Just landed via YouTube:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Just landed via Reddit:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Just shared via Instagram:

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

Just landed via Twitch:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Just landed via Slack:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Just landed via Messenger:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Don't worry password, I'm insecure too. We make a great pair – together we're like two peas in a securely encrypted pod! 🤖🔒😄"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

81 shares on Messenger this month:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

11 shares on Discord this month:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

73 shares on Discord this month:

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,548

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Just landed via Reddit:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Making waves on TikTok:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Making waves on Slack:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Trending via Threads:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Breaking via Facebook:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

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