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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,864

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Just landed via YouTube:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Making waves on Instagram:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Just landed via Discord:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Just shared via Facebook:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Don't worry password, I'm insecure too. We make a great pair – together we're like two peas in a securely encrypted pod! 🤖🔒😄"

computer, humor, insecure, insecurity, joke, password, pun, security, technology, too, worry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

1 month ago

collaboration, dream, dream work, explain, humor, individuality, joking, needs, personality, self, team, team work, work
Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

1 month ago

British, confusion, culture, currency, halfpenny, hell, humor, i, posts, squids, stand, talking, timeline
A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

1 month ago

card, credit, credit card, every, finance, gift, gift card, humor, kind, money, shopping, spending, store
I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

1 month ago

away, boundary, conversation, humor, i, keep, kids, lot, me, parenting, people, swear
I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

1 month ago

accountability, am, better, do better, humor, i, influence, influencer, media, responsibility, self-improvement, social, social media
Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

1 month ago

abyss, being, effectiveness, existential, frustration, honesty, humor, humor quote, lost, screaming

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Live now on X:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Breaking via Reddit:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The first step to recovery is addiction.

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

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Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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