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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,261

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Just landed via Messenger:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Spotted on Discord:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Going bananas on Discord:

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Going viral on Discord:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Going viral on WeChat:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Shared recently on Discord:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about overcommitting with a casual, humorous tone.

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Commentary:
"Looks like we're ordering from the all-you-can-eat menu of chaos tonight 🍔🍕🍟 Better make sure our appetites can handle it! 😂"

activity, biting, chew, dude, fun, night, pull, tonight, want

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79 shares on YouTube this month:

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

Elevator music is bad on so many levels.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

70 shares on Discord this month:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Just landed via YouTube:

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

Live now on TikTok:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Trending via Pinterest:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Going viral on Facebook:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Making waves on YouTube:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Spotted on Facebook:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Live now on Snapchat:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

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Activity Log ✨

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

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Activity Log ✨

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Keep the laugh going 😂

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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