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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

777 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,939

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,939

58 minutes ago

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

It must be hard having an erectile dysfunction.

Shared recently on X:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Going viral on Twitch:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Life begins when you can afford it.

Shared recently on Discord:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Breaking via Discord:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Just shared via X:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Breaking via Twitch:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Reported on Instagram:

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

Due to foreseen circumstances, well within my control, I will be late.

5 months ago

Due to foreseen circumstances, well within my control, I will be late.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'foreseen circumstances' strike again! 🤷‍♂️ It's amazing how they always seem to pop up right when we're running late. Looks like we'll just have to blame it on…life's perfectly timed interruptions! ⏰😆"

circumstance, circumstances, control, due, excuse, humor, i, late, procrastination, timing, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

777 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,939

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,939

58 minutes ago

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU.

Seen just now on Threads:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Spotted on Messenger:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

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