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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Making waves on Discord:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Trending via TikTok:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

22 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote highlighting Duolingo's humorous over-promise on language learning.

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Commentary:
Trying to master languages with Duolingo is like learning to swim in a kiddie pool! 🦉💬🏊‍♀️

actually, app, Duolingo, education, everything, except, humor, language, language app, language learning, learning, teach

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58 shares on Twitch this month:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

66 shares on Slack this month:

“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

43 shares on Messenger this month:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

86 shares on Slack this month:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

67 shares on Threads this month:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I wish I had a friend like me.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

Going viral on Twitch:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Breaking via WeChat:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Just shared via Twitch:

Elliott didn’t care about E.T. He just wanted a flying bike.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

Spotted on YouTube:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Going viral on Telegram:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

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Activity Log ✨

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Life is too short, and death is too long.

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

Keep the laugh going 😂

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Life is too short, and death is too long.

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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