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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

“You are what you eat”. I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,664

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Freshly posted on X:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Freshly posted on X:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Just landed via Discord:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Spotted on Facebook:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Spotted on Threads:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Live now on WhatsApp:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Making waves on Slack:

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

Just landed via Slack:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

2 months ago

0

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew Gollum was actually living his best life all along? 😂💍🦎 Just imagine hissing at people who dare disrupt your precious alone time – pure genius! Maybe we should all take notes from the master of solitude and self-care 🏞️🛁 #GollumGoals"

adventure, everyone, Gollum, hermit, hiss, hissing, idea, jewels, lakes, lifestyle, naked, occasionally, people, places, pools, right, solitude, swim, swimming, try

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

0

2 months ago

accident, cooking, disaster, eyeball, humor, i, joke, just, kitchen, need, recipe, sarcasm
Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.

0

2 months ago

doctor, healthcare, humor, lollipop, patient, treat
Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

0

2 months ago

awake, do things, humor, just, mean, morning, motivation, procrastination, ready, things
Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

0

5 months ago

courtroom, denial, honor, humor, judge, legal, me, sound
The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

0

2 months ago

children, fashion, humor, irony, jeans, parenting, relaxed, tag
I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, holiday, home, humor, i, live, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Telegram this month:

The future is buffering.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

95 shares on Slack this month:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

That fight could’ve been an email.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

51 shares on Threads this month:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,341

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Breaking via Twitch:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Spotted on Threads:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Just shared via Discord:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

Going viral on Discord:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Just shared via TikTok:

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Just shared via Facebook:

You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.

Just landed via Slack:

Do you ever want sleep but sleep doesn’t want you?

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